I sat staring at a blank screen for some time before finally admitting to myself that I had no earthly idea how to write a column about sailing and in some way tie it to the holidays. Giving up, I sought out my boyfriend and asked if he had any ideas. He thought about it for less than a minute then said, “Why don’t you write a Christmas List from the point of view of a sailor?”
Hmph. Why didn’t I think of that? I’m the writer! But I didn’t, so I glared at him for a minute before thanking him profusely. “I could list things like, ‘We wish the Corps would raise the lake level to the point where sailboats don’t strike underwater hazards!’” He shook his head.
“That’s a good one, but it probably wouldn’t work and you can’t speak for all sailors. It should be from your point of view as a sailor.”
Ah. I see. Clearly. What he has in mind is a ready-made list of things he can get me for Christmas without having to ask me or put any thought into it. Well I can certainly do that. Here is my list:
1) A Swan 45, in bristol condition with all the amenities needed for a lengthy ocean voyage.
2) Said Swan to be sitting in warm saltwater, fully provisioned, awaiting my arrival.
3) Tickets to that warm saltwater location, first class of course. And a new set of gear bags stuffed with new bathing suits and sundresses wouldn’t hurt either.
So there you have it. Make it happen and I’ll get that little red velvet thing we discussed and call you Santa.
Okay, so that probably isn’t what he had in mind and I should be a little more practical in my list making. Fine. Here is the revised version of my list, in no particular order:
1) Since we’re stuck in the frozen tundra of North Georgia, foul thoughts, I mean foul weather gear comes to mind. In my size and in some color other than yellow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it’s that color for a reason! And if they make one with a flap to cover that damn Velcro so it doesn’t stick to everything in sight, I’d be a very happy sailor!
2) In keeping with the warm thoughts of #1, long underwear. I like the thermal silk kind that doesn’t leach every ounce of moisture from my skin and induce static. In pretty colors please. Pretty being defined as some color other than navy, gray, or oatmeal.
3) New gear bags. While my matching black pull-behinds were perfect in my pre-sailing days, they aren’t so perfect when you must hoist them over a pristine white deck to prevent scuffmarks from the wheels. And they don’t give when attempting to shove them into lockers. And remember, pretty colors!
4) More gloves. At least half a dozen pairs. I’ve discovered that wet gloves are worse than wet hands when it’s cold. At least I can dry my hands.
5) Gift certificates. I know women don’t generally ask for gift certificates, but I would graciously accept them from Frugal Fabrics (new cushion covers and curtains), West Marine (boots, cleats, any number of fun items), Amazon.com (no, I DON’T have enough sailing books), Cabella’s (pretty sweater I saw in the new catalog), or Macy’s. Hey, I am a woman and it isn’t ALWAYS about sailing. Ok, yes it is. Scratch Macy’s.
6) New zippers for my sail covers. Black. Installed. And a cover for my grill.
7) New dock lines. Black. Yes, I know my dock lines are new, but they aren’t black and already look disgusting.
8) Sheets that fit the V-berth!!! And yes, you guessed it, Egyptian cotton is required!
9) Since #8 is clearly wishful thinking, I may as well continue in that vein and ask for a marine head. As opposed to a port-a-potty. Far less gross factor. For me anyway.
10) A new traveler. Mine is shoddy and I don’t trust it. The worn lines and the fact that it tends to slip loose when under even the slightest pressure make me feel less than trusting in strong winds. And trust in your vessel is paramount.
11) Warm weather: not having to suffocate myself in layer after freaking layer of clothing, not having to wear shoes, not having to freeze my…tail off to go for a sail, being able to relax in the cockpit with a cold drink without my lips turning blue, sleeping in my boat with the hatches open without waking to an icicle dripping on my forehead. You get the idea. While Santa seems content at the North Pole, I am not. Give me heat! From the sun, please!
12) The new Pirates of the Caribbean II DVD. There. A simple one.
13) Rum. Good Rum. And plenty of it.
14) A parrot. Just kidding. Sort of. Arrggghhh.
15) And last, but certainly not least, fair winds and a beautiful sunny day with no obligations so I might take my boat out for a sail with my favorite sailor.
There you have it. A sailor’s Christmas list. One my boyfriend might be able to work with, and I might even be willing to discuss that red velvet thing. But not here!
There is one more important wish for my list. I wish each of you a wonderful and safe holiday season. Now where is my rum?
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