It was a lazy Sunday afternoon and I was sitting on the back porch reading a mediocre book when Charlie started barking. He’s nine months old and has recently discovered his voice, so I ignored him for a little while. Probably a fish jumping in the canal or a butterfly. After a minute or two his barking took on a frantic tone and he was jumping around in circles in the corner of the yard like the little psycho puppy he sometimes is. I wondered if he’d caught another bee and gotten stung, so I got up to investigate. As soon as I stood up to look, Chloe decided that if I was getting involved, she better go investigate too. Anytime she discovers that Charlie's barking at something of interest, she wants in on the party. This particular party was hosted by an iguana who seemed to be regretting his decision to invite my dogs.
As I headed in that direction, I noticed the wind had knocked down my tomato plant. Oh no! I’m so proud of my winter tomatoes! So I went to prop it back up but realized it was just going to fall over again and I didn't have anything to hold it with. As I stood there trying to figure this out, our neighbor walked over to see what all the fuss was about and offered to hold the plant up while I found a tie. While I rushed to tie the plant off, the dogs barked and danced around the iguana like crazy and the darn thing didn't seem to want to vacate the premises, so I yelled for my son, Jay, to put the dogs in the house. With the tomato plant secured, I noticed that half a dozen green tomatoes had been knocked loose and were lying on the ground. What a waste! Guess we're having fried green tomatoes tonight.
Keeping one eye on the iguana and dog party, I picked up the tomatoes and tried to hold them all, dropping a couple every time I glanced at the iguana. When I finally had the tomatoes in hand, I notice the iguana, in a last ditch effort to escape my ferocious dogs, had climbed partially through the chain link fence and gotten stuck and the dogs were tormenting it. I yelled again for Jay and ran across the yard to put down my tomatoes, when Jay finally came out and wrestled the dogs into the house. I asked him to find the wire cutters in the toolbox in the hall closet and DON'T let the dogs out. I also searched Mike's newly constructed and well organized tool bench. Which is in fact, so well organized that I couldn't find ANY tools. So I grabbed the only thing I could find, a beat up pair of pliers, and hoped they'd do the trick. As I headed back across the yard to rescue the Iguana, I called for Jay to bring me a glove, too. But he didn't hear me and opened the door, letting Charlie out in the process. Charlie, of course, made a beeline for the iguana but I managed to catch him and get him back in the house, shaking my head at the slapstick feel of this whole thing.
I knelt down beside the fence and tried to talk soothingly to the iguana, who eyed me as if I were wearing plaid flannel pajamas in the middle of the afternoon, which in fact I was, and he didn't seem real interested in being soothed. So he flicked his tail at me, which in addition to his hind legs, were the only parts of him on my side of the fence, thankfully. I suppose I'd rather be on the tail end than the end with the mouth which, as I noticed when he hissed at me, looked rather nasty. As the tail flick seemed rather half-hearted (he probably figured that by that point he was good as iguana stew and had given up), I grabbed his tail and held it still while I tried to pry the chain link wide enough for him to climb the rest of the way through.
Meanwhile, Jay hadn't found the wire cutters, but had instead brought me my gardening shears and was wearing my gloves himself. Ok. I already had hold of the iguana's tail so no point in letting go to wrestle Jay for a glove. As to my shears, my one decent pair, what's $12 to the life of an iguana, so I tried them. And I must say they're highly inefficient at cutting chain link.
About this time, our neighbor (also named Mike, but not to be confused with my Mike who was working and missing out on this great adventure!) noticed what I was doing and came to help. He was no better armed than me as all he had were a pair of needle nose pliers. So while the poor iguana is no doubt frightened senseless, or maybe just extremely angry - it's really hard to tell just by their expressions - the neighbor took over trying to free our friend while I continued to hold his tail so he wouldn’t lunge when we got him unstuck. Mike tried his pliers, then mine, then my shears and had the same luck with them I did. Then he tried his pliers again and managed to pull the fence apart enough that the iguana, with a little help from yours truly, could get his back legs and tail through the fence. Which he did, then skittered sideways away from us, keeping us in sight as though one of us might still pounce on him and throw him in a stew pot. I think not.
And so, the tomato plant, the tomatoes and the iguana were all saved. The only things not saved were my gardening shears and my pride - at being caught out in the yard at 3:30 on a Sunday afternoon in my pj's, but I suppose I'll get beyond it one day.
Now I just don't know what to do with myself for the rest of the day. I've saved a life and provided dinner (the tomatoes, not the iguana!) so surely my work here is done.
As I headed in that direction, I noticed the wind had knocked down my tomato plant. Oh no! I’m so proud of my winter tomatoes! So I went to prop it back up but realized it was just going to fall over again and I didn't have anything to hold it with. As I stood there trying to figure this out, our neighbor walked over to see what all the fuss was about and offered to hold the plant up while I found a tie. While I rushed to tie the plant off, the dogs barked and danced around the iguana like crazy and the darn thing didn't seem to want to vacate the premises, so I yelled for my son, Jay, to put the dogs in the house. With the tomato plant secured, I noticed that half a dozen green tomatoes had been knocked loose and were lying on the ground. What a waste! Guess we're having fried green tomatoes tonight.
Keeping one eye on the iguana and dog party, I picked up the tomatoes and tried to hold them all, dropping a couple every time I glanced at the iguana. When I finally had the tomatoes in hand, I notice the iguana, in a last ditch effort to escape my ferocious dogs, had climbed partially through the chain link fence and gotten stuck and the dogs were tormenting it. I yelled again for Jay and ran across the yard to put down my tomatoes, when Jay finally came out and wrestled the dogs into the house. I asked him to find the wire cutters in the toolbox in the hall closet and DON'T let the dogs out. I also searched Mike's newly constructed and well organized tool bench. Which is in fact, so well organized that I couldn't find ANY tools. So I grabbed the only thing I could find, a beat up pair of pliers, and hoped they'd do the trick. As I headed back across the yard to rescue the Iguana, I called for Jay to bring me a glove, too. But he didn't hear me and opened the door, letting Charlie out in the process. Charlie, of course, made a beeline for the iguana but I managed to catch him and get him back in the house, shaking my head at the slapstick feel of this whole thing.
I knelt down beside the fence and tried to talk soothingly to the iguana, who eyed me as if I were wearing plaid flannel pajamas in the middle of the afternoon, which in fact I was, and he didn't seem real interested in being soothed. So he flicked his tail at me, which in addition to his hind legs, were the only parts of him on my side of the fence, thankfully. I suppose I'd rather be on the tail end than the end with the mouth which, as I noticed when he hissed at me, looked rather nasty. As the tail flick seemed rather half-hearted (he probably figured that by that point he was good as iguana stew and had given up), I grabbed his tail and held it still while I tried to pry the chain link wide enough for him to climb the rest of the way through.
Meanwhile, Jay hadn't found the wire cutters, but had instead brought me my gardening shears and was wearing my gloves himself. Ok. I already had hold of the iguana's tail so no point in letting go to wrestle Jay for a glove. As to my shears, my one decent pair, what's $12 to the life of an iguana, so I tried them. And I must say they're highly inefficient at cutting chain link.
About this time, our neighbor (also named Mike, but not to be confused with my Mike who was working and missing out on this great adventure!) noticed what I was doing and came to help. He was no better armed than me as all he had were a pair of needle nose pliers. So while the poor iguana is no doubt frightened senseless, or maybe just extremely angry - it's really hard to tell just by their expressions - the neighbor took over trying to free our friend while I continued to hold his tail so he wouldn’t lunge when we got him unstuck. Mike tried his pliers, then mine, then my shears and had the same luck with them I did. Then he tried his pliers again and managed to pull the fence apart enough that the iguana, with a little help from yours truly, could get his back legs and tail through the fence. Which he did, then skittered sideways away from us, keeping us in sight as though one of us might still pounce on him and throw him in a stew pot. I think not.
And so, the tomato plant, the tomatoes and the iguana were all saved. The only things not saved were my gardening shears and my pride - at being caught out in the yard at 3:30 on a Sunday afternoon in my pj's, but I suppose I'll get beyond it one day.
Now I just don't know what to do with myself for the rest of the day. I've saved a life and provided dinner (the tomatoes, not the iguana!) so surely my work here is done.
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